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The Colbert Report episode list
This type overlays "TV episode", providing additional show-specific data such as "The Word" and the show's opening line. It includes all shows...
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| x name | x image | x Also Typed With | x Intro | x Intro topics | x article |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Howell Raines / Moral Minority | TV Episode | I'm America's watchdog: I'm vigilant, I see the world in black and white, and I eat liver and bacon. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Mark Cuban / Jetpack | TV Episode | Children, get nestled all snug in your beds, while visions of Truth dance in your heads. | |||
| Madeleine Albright / Fill 'Er Up | TV Episode | (Inhales helium from a balloon.) This is The Colbert Report. | Helium | ||
| Geoffrey Nunberg / Side Effects | TV Episode | Could being a Nielsen family kill you? Watch the entire show to find out. This is The Colbert Report! | Nielsen Media Research | ||
| Penn Jillette / Rip-off | TV Episode | It's the first day of November sweeps, and I'm pregnant! | Nielsen Ratings | ||
| Brett O'Donnell / Laissez Les Bons Temps Roulez | TV Episode | Wanna prepare the perfect Truthtini? That's two parts vodka, no part fact. | Vodka | ||
| Fact | |||||
| Will Power / Wiper Fluid | TV Episode | There's an old saying where I come from: This is The Colbert Report! | |||
| Elizabeth de la Vega, Francis S. Collins / Case Closed | TV Episode | Hey Partridge in that pear tree - stop eating all those pears! This is the Colbert Report! | |||
| Stone Phillips / Truthiness | TV Episode | Open wide, baby bird, because mama's got a big, fat nightcrawler of Truth. | |||
| Alex Kuczynski / Victory! | TV Episode | Don't watch tonight's show if you're in jail, because the truth will set you free. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Bill O'Reilly / Go It Alone | TV Episode | Caution, you are about to watch me enter a no spin zone. This is The Colbert Report! | The O'Reilly Factor | ||
| Anne-Marie Slaughter | TV Episode | Hey oscillating fans! Left or right? Pick a side! We're at war! This is The Colbert Report! | |||
| Linda Hirshman / Single Serving | TV Episode | Hey Mom, check it out! I'm on TV! This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Steven Johnson / Gooooaaaaal! | TV Episode | Life is a crap shoot, and I'm your loaded dice. | Craps | ||
| Dice | |||||
| Robert Pinsky, Sean Penn / $400 Haircut | TV Episode | A dozen is 12. Bakers, learn how to count. This is The Colbert Report. | 12 | ||
| Baker's dozen | |||||
| Baker | |||||
| Dozen | |||||
| Ed Viesturs / High Fidelity | TV Episode | It's Pi Day today - 3.14. That must be why I'm acting so irrational. This is The Colbert Report. | Pi Day | ||
| Bob Costas / Lombardi | TV Episode | Get some ice; I've pulled my groin... my enormous groin. | |||
| William A. Donohue / Opposite Day | TV Episode | I regret that I have but one half-hour to shout at my country. This is The Colbert Report. | Nathan Hale | ||
| Bay Buchanan, Bob Deans | TV Episode | Congratulations, person who won American Idol, I knew it. This is The Colbert Report. | American Idol | ||
| Paul Begala / Wham-O | TV Episode | Let's change the world! But not the channel! | |||
| Ethan Nadelmann / Facts | TV Episode | On the 15th day of Christmas, your true love gave you me. This is The Colbert Report! | The Twelve Days of Christmas | ||
| Elaine Pagels / Plan B | TV Episode | I'd never get a $400 haircut. I'd get $100 haircuts four times a week. This is The Colbert Report. | John Edwards | ||
| Malcolm Gladwell / Who Cares? | TV Episode | Tonight the part of Stephen Colbert will be played by, Stephen Col-Bert. The Management regrets any inconvenience. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Toby Keith / Missed Opportunity | TV Episode | None. "Stephen Jedi" video intro | |||
| Connie Chung / Stop It | TV Episode | From the creators of The Colbert Report, this is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Ted Koppel / Comic Justice | TV Episode | You got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet. That's not a metaphor, I want someone to make me an omelet. This is The Colbert Report. | Metaphor | ||
| Omelette | |||||
| Ted Daeschler / Libya | TV Episode | I am The Walrus, Goo goo ka Truth. | I Am the Walrus | ||
| Ron Paul / Pathophysiology | TV Episode | Good News! I just saved money on my car insurance by switching to no car insurance! This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Lee Silver / T&A | TV Episode | You're in for a real treat tonight... if you are watching this show from an ice cream parlor. This is The Colbert Report! | |||
| Ken Jennings / Caveat Emptor | TV Episode | America, I'm about to raise your minimum rage. This is The Colbert Report! | |||
| James H. Webb, Jr. / Monopoly | TV Episode | Focus on the spot on the wall and breath over the contractions. This truth's coming out head first. | |||
| Lou Dobbs / Pussy | TV Episode | It's time to jump down, turn around and pick a bale of Truth. | |||
| Neil deGrasse Tyson / Perspective | TV Episode | Strike up the klezmer and start acting like a man. You're about to have a Truth Mitzvah. | Klezmer | ||
| Maureen Dowd / Xmas | TV Episode | Get ready to make a difference... by watching TV. | Television | ||
| Doug Bailey | TV Episode | Just six days until my 4th of July fireworks display and just eight days until they're able to put it out. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Neal Katyal / Democrazy | TV Episode | On my show, it's always Shark Week. Enemies of America, you are the chum. This is The Colbert Report. | Shark Week | ||
| Christopher Noxon / Monkey Butter | TV Episode | Happy Birthday, America. You may be 230, but if you were a dog, you'd only be 32... but you'd be dead 'cause dogs don't live that long. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Daniel B. Smith | TV Episode | Hey Carly Simon! Thanks for writing that song about me! (In reference to her single You're So Vain). "This is The Colbert Report." | Carly Simon | ||
| You're So Vain | |||||
| Joe Scarborough / R-E-S-P-E-C-T | TV Episode | I don't have a truth problem. I tell the truth, I fall down, no problem. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Ariel Levy | TV Episode | None | |||
| Ayaan Hirsi Ali | TV Episode | Beware - Today's Ides of March alert level is at 'Orange.' This is The Colbert Report. | The Ides of March | ||
| Frank Rich / Superegomaniac | TV Episode | There are three doors; behind one is a tiger, another is the truth, and the last is a closet. Choose wisely. | Monty Hall problem/revised | ||
| Jeff Swartz / Expecting | TV Episode | I just finished my resume. If anyone asks, this show has been on for 30 years. This is The Colbert Report! | |||
| Barry Lando / Wikilobbying | TV Episode | A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? Consonant or vowel, make up your mind, we're at war. This is the Colbert Report! | Vowel | ||
| Consonant | |||||
| William Langewiesche / Supporting Role | TV Episode | Happy belated Mother's Day! This is The Colbert Report. | Mother's Day | ||
| Barry Manilow / Shameless | TV Episode | See you tomorrow night, trick or treaters! Hope you like stationery. This is The Colbert Report! | Trick-or-treating | ||
| Stationery | |||||
| Christine Todd Whitman / Aggravated assault | TV Episode | I just saw my shadow Ñ that means six more weeks of Truth! | |||
| Larry King / Bury The Lead | TV Episode | Hey America, are you thinking what I'm thinking? You soon will be. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Will Wright / American Orthodox | TV Episode | When it comes to mental gymnastics, I'm an 14-year-old Romanian girl. And I'm gonna stick the landing. This is the Colbert Report! | Romania | ||
| Richard Dawkins / Irreconcilable Differences | TV Episode | I know we've been together for a year now, Nation, but I would still so do you. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Mary Roach / Willy Loman | TV Episode | Everyone put your keys in the bowl, it's time for a swinging Truth party! | |||
| Bradley Whitford / Shhhh!... | TV Episode | Get on your tippy toes America. You must be this tall to ride the TruthCoaster. | |||
| Brian Greene | TV Episode | Go out ten yards then button hook to the left. I'm gonna hit you with a perfect spiral of Truth. | |||
| John Kerry / Clean Slate | TV Episode | Some parts of this episode are void in Alaska and Hawaii. This is The Colbert Report. | Hawaii | ||
| Alaska | |||||
| Tom DeLay, Randy Kearse | TV Episode | If you like The Colbert Report, then you'll love what's coming next. This is The Colbert Report. | |||
| Nancy Grace | TV Episode | If beauty Truth and Truth beauty, then I look fabulous tonight. | Ode on a Grecian Urn | ||
| Chris Funk, Robert Schneider | TV Episode | Morley Safer replaces Stephen in a parody of the opening of 60 Minutes to announce this episode's main event: the guitar-solo challenge between Stephen and The Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk. | Chris Funk | ||
| The Decemberists | |||||